To the Bone
by shonen-aigoddess
Summary: Rated R for cutting. Tsuzuki is depressed after Tatsumi breaks up with him, but is it all a dream? TsuSoka at the end and a little MuriTsu in the beginning. oneshot


A/n: I was in a really dark mood when I wrote started writing this. It has a happy ending because I wasn't able to finish it when I was so pissed, but it's still rated R because it deals with cutting.

To The Bone

Tsuzuki jumped in front of Tatsumi as Muraki's beast threw an attack.

His entire body began to burn and suddenly Muraki was holding him.

Tatsumi had been knocked out, Hisoka looked like he was in shock and Tsuzuki himself felt on the verge of passing out.

"This is the final battle and yes Mr. Tsuzuki, you're the only one left."

His lips hovered over Tsuzuki's for a brief moment.

"You're mine."

And as Muraki kissed him, Tsuzuki let himself fall.

''

Tsuzuki opened his eyes slowly.

He was sitting across from Tatsumi.

He looked up at the secretary suddenly.

"They're burning."

Tatsumi looked up as Tsuzuki finally spoke after more than an hour.

"What's burning Tsuzuki?"

Tatsumi felt a little guilty over the words he'd said to Tsuzuki when he's broken off their partnership.

It had sent Tsuzuki into a spiral of silence that scared him.

Tsuzuki shook his head, tightening his grip around his wristwatch, unseen by the secretary.

"It doesn't really matter. I'm...going to bed."

Tatsumi was worried but allowed him to go.

All the way to his apartment, Tsuzuki kept twisting his watch.

'Almost there...I can make it.'

He crossed the thresh hold and closed the door, making sure to lock it.

From there he removed his watch and tossed it carelessly on the kitchen counter before opening the drawer.

He pulled it all the way out, revealing a plain wooden box, which he set on the counter.

Without a second thought he placed the drawer on the counter next to it, accidentally breaking the glass on his watch.

If he had noticed this, he didn't care.

Inside the wooden box was a black cloth wrapped around a dagger.

This is what he had used to kill himself and now after years of fighting it, he was going to use it to slash his wrist again.

He smirked bitterly as he took the guilded handle into his palm and slid his finger along the sharp edge, watching the thin line of blood appear then disappear.

'I could cut to the bone and it would heal before I even collapsed.'

He took the cloth and the dagger and sat down at the kitchen table.

He set the dagger down for a moment, studying his scars.

His watch hadn't been off long enough for them to be exactly visible, but he knew where they were all too well.

Running his fingers over them he sighed.

'Of course they're still there. They'll be there forever.'

He took up the dagger again and laid it to his wrist.

"This is for all the partners that have abandon me."

The first cut wasn't deep but it did draw blood.

He sighed as he watched it heal.

"This is for all the hateful things that anyone has ever said to me."

He cut a little deeper and it took a little longer to heal.

"This is for making me believe that I had friends."

This time he made three cuts.

He waited a moment, watching his blood pour down onto the cloth.

"One for Konoe. One for Watari. And one for...one for you Tatsumi."

He turned to find the secretary in his doorway who looked shocked.

"And this. And this, and the deepest is for you leaving me in the way that you did!"

Tatsumi suddenly sprung to action grabbing the blade as Tsuzuki tried in vein to keep it.

He flinched as it cut into his palm.

"Stop it Tsuzuki you're already dead! You can't kill yourself anymore!"

Tsuzuki let go of the dagger and dropped to his knees in tears.

"I know that!"

Tatsumi set the dagger in the table and knelt down to him.

"Please don't cry Tsuzuki. What do you want? What will make you stop crying?"

Tsuzuki looked up into his eyes.

"I want a stable partner. I want...someone who won't look down on me. Someone to love me for me."

Tatsumi held him closely with a sigh.

"I'll try. I'll try my hardest to find you someone like that."

Tsuzuki nodded silently and closed his eyes.

''

"Hisoka...I...I want Hisoka..."

Suddenly his eyes snapped open as he heard Hisoka's voice.

"Guys, he's awake. Tsuzuki can you hear me?"

He looked over to see Hisoka sitting next to him.

He reached a shaking hand up to take his partners but stopped as he realized what he was doing.

He sat up slowly and looked around, noting the absence of Tatsumi.

Everyone had looks of concern written on their faces.

"What...happened? Where is Tatsumi?"

Hisoka smiled softly.

"He's tying up the details that's all. It's you we're worried about. Don't you remember anything?"

Tsuzuki shook his head and Hisoka took his hand.

"That's good. It's better that way. Get some more rest now."

Tsuzuki stopped him from getting up.

"Hisoka please stay with me."

Hisoka stared at him for a moment but nodded.

"I'll be right here. I just want you to know that everything is okay now. All you need to know is that...Muraki is dead."

Tsuzuki stared in shock for a moment and Konoe stepped forward.

"Don't let this worry you at the moment. He's gone, permanently."

Tsuzuki nodded and lay back down.

"When I'm asleep go into my apartment. Take Tatsumi with you. Pull out the empty drawer and behind it you'll find a wooden box..."

Tatsumi stopped him as he entered.

"You still have it!"

He grabbed Tsuzuki's collar.

"How many more times Tsuzuki! You swore you'd get rid of it!"

Tsuzuki closed his eyes as they filled with tears.

"Seven."

Tatsumi's eyes widened for a moment as he let go of him, but suddenly slapped him.

Watari grabbed his wrist before he could hit him again.

"You lied to me Tsuzuki! You swore you'd never cut yourself again!"

Tsuzuki curled himself into a tiny ball.

"You don't know what it's like! Everyone loves you!"

Hisoka suddenly closed his eyes and kissed Tsuzuki softly.

"Tsuzuki you Baka. I love you, isn't that enough? I won't do it for you. You're just going to have to be a grown up and get rid of it on your own."

Tsuzuki stared at him.

"You...you mean you...?"

Hisoka sighed.

"It doesn't take an empath to figure it out Tsuzuki. I waited twenty years for you to say it out loud."

Tsuzuki closed his eyes with a sigh.

"Hisoka...I love you."

Hisoka smiled softly.

"Good, now go to sleep."

Tsuzuki looked up into Tatsumi's eyes.

"The box?"

Tatsumi growled and left.

Hisoka shook his head.

"I'll hold your hand if you want but you have to do it."

Tsuzuki nodded.

"I will."

Hisoka waited until everyone had left.

"Tsuzuki...can I lay with you? For just a little while?"

Tsuzuki smiled brightly and nodded, wrapping his arm around Hisoka's waist as he laid down.

"Hisoka."

Hisoka closed his eyes and took his hand.

"Yes Tsuzuki?"

Tsuzuki breathed in deeply.

"I just wanted you to know that I haven't cut myself since you became my partner. You're who I need fifty years ago. I've been so happy for the last thirty because of you. Thank you for giving me a chance."

Hisoka groaned outwardly but inside he was smiling.

"Shut up and go to sleep."

Tsuzuki chuckled.

"Okay old man."

Hisoka's eyes shot open.

"Old man! You're fifty-one years older than me!"

Tsuzuki looked into his eyes.

"You're going to be forty-six this year."

Hisoka closed his eyes with a huff.

"Baka."

Tsuzuki closed his eyes again, content that they're biggest worry was gone and both drifted off to sleep peacefully.


End file.
